The Self Confidence Of The Average Sized Woman

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Definitely not a model but not quite a curvy queen. Works out regularly but definitely enjoys pasta. “You know, if you only lost like 10-15 pounds you’d be super hot.” Or the worst. Just “okay”.

They don’t sound like it, but these are the nicest ways my body type has been described on the internet, magazines, and one specific time by a guy I met in a hostel.

It’s no secret that since the beginning of civilization men, society, and men in society have been determining what body shape is okay for a woman to have. But now it’s worse, because now women in society are also determining what body shape is okay for another woman to have. And it takes a toll on “the average” woman’s self confidence.

Have you ever scrolled through your Instagram feed while eating a tub of Ben & Jerry’s? Chances are you’ll either quit social media or quit ice cream. And for me, never will it ever be the latter again.

So there’s your Instagram models. Girls with perfect tans, hairless bodies and yoga pants that sit just right. That ponytail thing they do. Always working out yet never a drop of sweat to be detected. Not a love handle in sight. Never seem to be on their period either. Possibly robots.

The girls that make you want to give up dairy. And sugar. And food altogether. It’s easy to forget about FaceTune and sponsored posts and their daily 5-hour workout routine. It’s hard to resist the urge to go on a keto or paleo diet because they’re doing it too. Or not to order Skinny Tea or gummies that claim to make your hair grow – after all, Kim Kardashian eats them.

And then there’s your curvy queens. Goddesses who embrace every inch of their bodies. Women like Ashley Graham, who, let’s not forget, also have the perfect tans and the hairless bodies and the yoga pants that sit just right. Their hair also does the ponytail thing, and love handles also don’t seem to affect them.

And then there’s me. Along with probably about 85% of the rest of the female population. In the spirit of oversharing, I’m 5’2” and a little over 130 lbs. And by a little, I am of course lying and I mean 5 to 10 lbs over that number, but I’ve been conditioned to lie about it because the actual number makes me feel bad about myself. Along with probably 85% of the rest of the female population. I can do the tan, I can do the hair removal, for the life of me I’ll never figure out how to do the ponytail, but the worst thing is: I’ll never be either or. I’ll never be skinny, I’ll never be curvy. I’m just… average.

Every pair of jeans I’ve ever tried on has been too long and I’ve never once in my life worn a top that “hugs me in the right places”. In fact, I prefer my tops not to hug me at all since I’m a bit of a soft pretzel around the torso area.

And this in a world and in a generation where being average is frowned upon. Where mediocrity is bad. Where you’re happy in the morning when you look at yourself in the mirror, but you immediately lose that feeling when you open your Instagram feed. Being average is not enough.

So we go on a keto diet or a paleo diet or we take two crossfit classes or we give up ice cream and we do all this stuff that we don’t want to do to look like something we don’t necessarily want to look like, but we kind of feel like we have to. The eternal cycle of never really being comfortable.

The eternal frustration of the world not catering to you because you’re not either or, and forever being shit out of luck.

But all that aside. Forget about Instagram, forget about magazines, forget about Hollywood, even forget about your friends (trust me, I’ve got one that’s 5’9” and her hair does do the ponytail thing.)

When you look in the mirror. Do you like what you see?

It’s a more honest, more tedious and definitely more confronting exercise than a 28-day keto plan or a 30-day squat challenge, but it is 100% more important.

I took me 28 years, but I kind of do.

 

 

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